The Beginning...

The Beginning...

Monday, October 11, 2010

I've been thinking a lot lately about individuality and the proper treatment of the individual. (Maybe it is the twin in me trying to forge my own self out of the constant 'your are twins that means you are the same' and 'it doesn't matter that I called you the wrong name, you know I mean you, so just answer to another persons name.')

"To quote a poem I found recently How to be Alone, Tanya Davis. "Its okay if no one believes like you, all experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relieved." Thoughts are so unique Davis goes on to say "no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept."

From this I take the thought that each person lives a separate existence, sometimes linked together, usually not. But not a single person carries the same experiences with them as I do. And I do mean carry- an example. I was driving home from my mother's house last week and this overwhelming feeling of sadness came upon me as I drove down the roads I have driven hundreds of times. But the feeling of sadness was familiar. It is the one I am always aware of, that I always carry with me. I miss Jon, all the time, sometimes this ache is in the recesses of my mind and the ache is not so bad. Sometimes it is at the forefront and it is overwhelming. Others have lost people too. But aside from the difference in their loss and mine- there is a difference in what triggers the move of the ache from the back to the front. I drove down those roads hundreds of times after Jon died to try and sooth the ache, and thus when I drive down them now it subconsciously reminds me of that time when the ache was always at the fore.

I will always carry with me this ache, and I am always aware of it. Did you know that about me? I share this as an example because it typifies what I mean by individual experiences. Each person has lived so much within their own heads and hearts that we are unique. Our inner monologue is seldom shared with others, our 'everyday' would shock another person to know.

When you ask me how I am, I don't say, "I am sad because of this ache, and I am happy for this other reason (mine personally is that I am a daughter of a Father who loves me unconditionally.) but I am at a nice balance today." Usually I say "well" or "good" or "not bad" so you get to know at what equilibrium the experiences I carry with me are that particular moment. But you don't get to know what things are on the scale to be equalized.

So here is the part that makes me think; if this is true for me, how much deeper and richer could my relationships and understanding of others be if I was let in on the things that people carry with them. Often this is personal. exceedingly so. So I understand why people don't share. But as a person who struggles with being judgmental it sure would be easier if I knew your experiences and where they stand in the balance at any particular moment. But to requote Davis "by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept."

As individuals we are unique, not rare but unique, singular in our beings. And each of us carries with us our experience which effects our actions and moods. If I encounter you when your equilibrium is not met today and I don't show you that that is ok (through kindness and patience and love) I am sorry. For everyone deserves to be treated thus. Perhaps instead of just keeping your thoughts you can share them, sure an essence of them might be lost but it would being us closer together, and it would make us judge one another less.

One last quote from Davis "If you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay... Take silence and respect it." It is ok that we don't share too, because we are individuals we are solitary beings and that is ok. I can take your silence and respect it, I can try, on my own, to show love, kindness and patience without knowing why your equilibrium is off today. I can try to find that essence that might be lost.